I can’t believe it’s been almost two years since I’ve last posted. I kind of hate that.

I’ve said it before. It’s always easier to write when life isn’t so great. Or busy.

So the silver lining here is that life has been wonderful. And busy.

It turns out, my pregnancy went well. Better than even I expected. She was over 3 weeks early, accidentally “induced” by eating too much AYCE Korean BBQ. My water broke at 3AM. We hadn’t slept. After 14 hours of labor, and 45 minutes of pushing, she was here. Thankfully, she didn’t need the NICU. And my one question to the doctor after she was out was, “What do I do now?”

Some days, I still ask myself that. But it’s been less and less.

She’s over a year old now. 15 months to be exact, because apparently everyone counts in months at this stage. I get it though. Developmentally, she’s so different from even a week prior.

I feel like Bella in that scene from Breaking Dawn (the Twilight saga is our guilty pleasure…) where Renesmee is growing up too fast.

We’ve been trying to enjoy these moments despite the continued sleep deprivation.

I feel like I could write essays on what’s happened to us in just the past year.

But I don’t have much time. It’s 10:42PM. She’ll probably wake soon. And I should really get some sleep. But, there are a few things I want to remember and highlight:

• We named her Diana. We were in bed, blurting out names. I said, “Hey, what about Diana?” and Paul said, “I like that. A lot. She’s Diana.” and that was that. We also liked the meaning behind the Roman goddess (we did a woodland theme for her nursery) and Wonder Woman. But most everyone has said, “Oh, like Princess Diana!” – which is okay, too.
• Her middle name is a tribute to my grandma, who appeared in my dreams all throughout my pregnancy. Before we even found out her gender, my grandma told me it was a girl. She came back, after Diana was born, and held her. I cherish these dreams. And treat them like memories. I miss my Lola, and there are days where it hits harder than most.
• Our parents have stepped up tremendously, and we would be underwater without them. We were supposed to put Diana into daycare, and the days leading up to it, I couldn’t help but cry. But Paul’s mom stepped in and said she would provide full-time care whenever the both of us are working. And my parents have stepped in as part-time care to fill the gaps. Now that my mom is retired, she has even offered to be available more often. We know how lucky we are to be in this situation. And it has been a perfect village for Diana.
• You know that fear of losing friends as soon as you have a kid? This is a second blessing that we are eternally grateful for – our friends still treat us like we exist and still invite us out. They’ve checked in on us, brought us homemade food, DoorDashed food, driven up to see us so we didn’t have to make the trek.
• I wish I could convey to every single one of our family members and friends just how much we love them all so much. It feels cheesy to type out because it just doesn’t do our feelings justice. It falls flat. But, it’s all true. Life is wonderful because of the people we’re surrounded by.
• My marriage to Paul is stronger than ever. If anything, having a kid has tested us more than anything, and it’s shown me just how perfect (again, cheesy, but true) we are together. We’re still us. The only difference is that our hearts have grown larger to include a new person. And even when she pushes us past our limits, doesn’t sleep through the night, and has her moments – we’re all okay.

Obviously it’s not all sunshine and roses. I barely play video games now. I’ve lost a lot of me time. I still haven’t gotten into a good workout routine. And when I look at myself in the mirror, I can see how much older I look.

But I know this is life. This is the life we’ve chosen. And built. And there is so much good to be grateful for that I don’t want to waste my time being bothered by the little things. Or the big things.

I love it here.

And hopefully, I don’t wait another 2 years to post an update.