My grandma passed way on November 11, 2020. Just two days before my wedding. She suffered multiple strokes, and even though she told my mom she would hold on for the wedding, we knew it was just too much and too painful.

I want to believe that she was watching over us that day. Even now, it’s still so difficult to write this. (Though I’ve set this post to 11/11/20, I’m writing this in July of 2021).

The day after she passed, I was still barely functioning. I was grieving. A lot. And I remember curling up on the bedroom floor, just running through memories of her in my head. And suddenly, her scent filled the room. It only lasted a brief second, but it was there. Without a single doubt, it was there. I don’t consider myself a very superstitious person, but for the first time in my life, I finally got what it meant when people could “feel the presence” of their loved ones after they’ve gone. And for a moment, I felt so comforted and almost overjoyed that she visited me one last time. It felt like her way of letting me know it was going to be okay; that she would be looking over us even if it was from afar.

Growing up, my grandma always served us coffee in these light green tea cups. In remembrance of her, my siblings, my cousin, and I all kept our green cups and took one last drink from it together hours after she passed. I’ll never forget that moment – a symbolic testament to the amazing woman who raised us all. Who came to America, widowed, with 3 kids to give us a better future.

To Lola — I miss you. I miss you and love you so, so much. I can’t thank you enough for how you raised me. Without you, I wouldn’t have this life in America. I wouldn’t have found Paul. I wouldn’t have been here period. My only regret is that your future grandkids will never get to see you. But oh will I tell them everything I can about you. I pray that you have found peace with God. And I know that you will always be with me.

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So that I have a place to save and remember this, here is the eulogy I gave during her funeral:

Thank you all for being here today to celebrate the life of Juanita, my grandmother.

Lola was born in the Philippines on May 30th 1931. Growing up, she always graduated at the top of her class. In 1953, at the age of 22, she married the love of her life, Roger. At too young of an age, at 29 years old, she lost her husband. She never remarried, and devoted much of her life to raising her 3 children, Merle, Rosalie, and Amado, on her own. She was very much a woman of God. Both her faith and her family were the most important parts of her life.

Almost twenty years after the death of her husband, she came to the United States. She lived in Virginia in 1979, and moved to Los Angeles in 1981. Without her, my family and I would not be here today.

She lived through the war, through so much hardship, and her continued tenacity and bravery in moving to an entirely different country is a reflection of how she would do absolutely anything for her family.

This includes working as a cook at Elms Convalescent Hospital for 22 years. Lola didn’t retire until the age of 72. And even after that she never stopped working. Whenever I visited home, if she wasn’t cooking, she was doing laundry. If she wasn’t doing laundry, she was cleaning. And finally, once she was done with chores, I’d see my favorite glimpses of her and my mom exchanging chismis (gossip) at the kitchen table.

Lola was like a second mother to me. Growing up, I shared a room with her. When I had nightmares, I’d sneak into her bed in the middle of the night. And whenever I wanted a new book, she never said no. We’d bake together, watch game shows together, and I tried to be just like her… trying on her nail polish and hair products.

Our entire family cherished my grandma. She was an intelligent, fierce, and loving woman. We are so blessed to have had her in our lives and we already miss her dearly.

Her legacy lives on with her 3 children, 5 grandchildren, and 2 great grandchildren.

I pray that she is with God now, forever continuing to watch over us and protect our family from above. To Lola, we all love you so very much. Thank you for being the best wife, sister, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother we could’ve ever asked for.