I think a small part of me feels like I don’t deserve this. As each day passes, my heart is filled with more love and so much more happiness. It’s incredibly cliché, but it’s almost as if I’m living a fairy tale I never knew existed. It’s “The Ugly Duckling”, “Beauty & The Beast” and “Pocahontas” rolled into one giant, weird and exciting relationship.

Blogging is tougher when you’re happy. The months roll on by; I’m living every moment, and I forget to come back here. I had this blog when we first met, and now here we are… still together after almost 6 years.

But… while everything has been as perfect as it could be, I’ve had the worst recurring dreams. I keep dreaming that this all never happened. I have nightmares about being in a past relationship and never meeting Paul. I know in the dream that Paul exists, but the dream is telling me I’m crazy. More often than not, I can lucid dream. I do what I want, nothing can hurt me, and I can wake myself up. With these, they’re different. I’m stuck. And I’m sweating. And when I finally wake up, I catch myself mid-scream.

Sometimes he’ll wake me up and bring me back to reality. Other times, I’m using my phone as a flash light to make sure he’s the one sleeping next to me. I keep thinking that maybe subconsciously I feel undeserving or that the universe is just playing a joke on me.

The only good to come out of those nightmares is that I am relieved every single time. And it’s a wonderful reminder that I should be cherishing every moment our relationship, through the best and worst times.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this blog, and I don’t know how to end it. He’s away on a 24 hour shift, and I just can’t wait to see him walk through the door in the morning. We’ll eat bacon and eggs, watch a movie from our list, and spoil our kitten with attention (I still need to blog about this kitten). And when night comes, I’ll be hoping these nightmares barely make an appearance.