I just came across an old blog I created for a college class. It was my visual paper that argued for a new model when it came to educational video games. Combining pre-existing gaming theories with some of my own opinions, I pointed out that educational gaming developers can break through into mainstream gaming so long as certain criteria are met. If you want to read this hilarious paper, you can do so here: gamingtoeducate.blogspot.com.

That got me thinking about just how much gaming has influenced me. Ever since I could remember, I always had a controller or mouse in my hands. And whether they were games for learning subjects in school or if they were for pure entertainment, games really shaped me. Unfortunately, a lot of negative stereotypes still plague the gaming industry from violence to obesity — but I think a lot of acceptance has also been more common today than it was even five years ago. Even I, myself, am finding more acceptance with myself — with how I enjoy games — and with how I’m no longer embarrassed to admit that I love them.

I’ve given my hobby so very little credit on just how much it has positively shaped my intelligence, my character and what makes me tick. And now, as I look back, I can proudly say that it’s honed so many skills that I did not even realize. Analytical ability. Multi-tasking. Quick decision making. Data calculations. Teamwork. Problem solving. Event planning even. As for my character — running a 300+ person guild at the age of eleven was absolutely eye-opening. I matured by being able to speak to a lot of people who were older than me, I learned simple conflict mediation between members, and running a guild was almost like running a business. How do I keep my members interested? What expenses need to be made? How can we grow together?

But most importantly, I found out what makes me tick. For those that know me well, I would say a common word used to describe my personality is peculiar. Borderline weird. Maybe even interesting (lol). And gaming was my safe space to let that out. No one knew who I was in real life. I found kind people in-game and in guilds. And if any group of people accepts peculiar — it would be people that game.

Then came college, and I no longer had time for it. Too busy trying to make sure I could afford UCLA, too busy finding jobs, writing papers, wondering how to make a few bucks last the whole week for food. I lost myself. I lost my sense of passion.

But some how, gaming finds a way. My final year in college, the one year where I could finally feel relaxed. My classes were smooth sailing, I had a wonderful job to afford college, and everything was falling into place. I was just missing one thing. And I found it when he shook my hand and said “I play games, too.”

Okay so, I may have skipped a few classes and lost hours upon hours of sleep my senior year… but I found myself. My love for gaming and my love for Paul were allowed to co-exist and grow with each other. Never before in my life was I ever able to be with someone who wanted to play games with me, who appreciated the effort and analysis I put when it came to my gear or my decisions in bot lane. And I don’t think I’ve appreciated both as much as I should have.

Today, Paul has reignited my love for gaming all while teaching me what it takes to also love a person. While I don’t game as much as I used when I was back in high school, I’ve learned to find time somewhere in my schedule to immerse myself in new worlds and new lore every week. I’m curious again. I’m enjoying grouping with people again. I don’t think many people are lucky in life to be able to find someone who can complement their passions in life so perfectly. And to think I get to be one of those people has been absolutely amazing.

People from high school and even my own family members come back to me now and wonder how and why I changed so much in just the span of 2 and a half years. And it’s because he found me. As hilariously cheesy as it sounds, I am confident with who I am for once. And more importantly, I am finally happy.