Fear: noun – a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined.

I don’t fear many things in life. When I truly think about it, I’ve only feared one thing. And as many men share this same fear, I thought it was nothing extraordinary. This fear of death. Our own death. The point at which we cease to exist; cease to contribute to the world; to think. To be. It is both a real and imagined fear. I imagine I may die today – that very may well not be the case. The reality of it though is that it must eventually happen. That I know will always and forever be real.

But a second, more important fear has somehow taken a hold of me. My man, the only man I have ever fallen in love with, is about to become a firefighter. Never in my life have I been more proud of him – to have such a wonderfully kind heart to willingly save the world and our people.

But he is still a boyfriend. My boyfriend. The grooves and contours of his handsome face have been memorized by my palms. When my fingers trace his perfect eyebrows, I know I belong with him. The way he smiles in his sleep and the gentle gestures of his good morning kisses.

And beyond that – the unforgettable character that is him. The way you can fall in love with the way he carries himself. The uncontrollable, infectious laughter that fills the room when we watch movies together. The lessons of forgiveness, of humility, and of kindness that he continues to teach me each and every single day.

My utmost fear has now become losing him. I will only admit to this once in my blog because if I admitted it every time I felt this way — I would never stop writing. But that… that… has consumed my mind as of late. My own existence is almost trivial if it means a life without him.

I think I can safely say that I have made it through enough of life to know that he is undoubtedly the one I would love to walk to the end of the world with. But he is a good man. A wonderful man. Not many people can be so passionate about wanting a career fighting the dangers of our world and he is absolutely fearless. While I am scared out of my mind, I have never been so excited in my life to support the one man that means the entire universe to me.

My warrior. My lover. My best friend.

I am in love with you.

Stay safe out there.